Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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