i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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