You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
