I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
