Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
