I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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