peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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