3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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