While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
