I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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