And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
