why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize