Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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