I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
