he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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