we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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