i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i want to swaddle you in tequila
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
