Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize