Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize