I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
