you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
