Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize