You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My bed smells like the plague
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