Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
