I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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