i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
