umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
