My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
