google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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