Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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