You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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