tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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