The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize