just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
