Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
