what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize