thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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