he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
