I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
