zippers are such a cool invention
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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