I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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