party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
