I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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