end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Who died my cat blue again?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
