What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize