I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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