yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
