i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
