There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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