it hurts more in the daytime
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dicks are not precious.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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