we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
