after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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