3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize