Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
