and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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