Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
