If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Pooping to opera.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
