I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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