he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
