Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
