dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
