I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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