Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
