cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
