Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
