I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
