she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
