talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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