wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
