You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
