cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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