Will you blow on my dice?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
