The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
