I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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