I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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